Tuesday, February 28, 2006
On Being a Jerk
Bake-n-Broil is a very popular restaurant just across the street from our church and, for years, has relied on our church parking lot for its customer base.
About 5 or 6 times a year, we use our lower parking lot for either a huge annual yard sale to support our youth camp, or for car washes, or a funeral. On those days we need the lot, someone has to go out late at night (usually around midnight) and rope off the lower lot, otherwise by 5:30 the next morning the lot is half full.
Last Friday night I waited up until after midnight to rope off the lot for a local high school baseball team to sponsor a car wash. Bake-n-Broil was having carpets cleaned so I gave up after midnight ... setting out three "No Parking" signs, tying them together with high visibility yellow "caution" tape and leaving just enough room for the cars in the lower lot to leave out. I'm thinking surely no one will drive around three signs and yellow tape to park there the next morning. I was wrong. Someone in a green Ford Ranger was parked right in the way of the car wash that would take place that day.
I called Bake-n-Broil and asked if they had a customer or employee parked in the lot. The lady on the line told me it was one of their employees. Drawing on years of training and experience in interpersonal relationships, and just my ability to generally get along with others, I informed her that if the truck was not moved immediately, I would have it towed. She assured me the owner would be right out and I assured her that I would be there to speak to that owner. Keep in mind (though this is no excuse for me being a jerk), I had been up late the night before and early that morning. I was not in a very good mood. Hadn't slept well because of a sore throat. The sweetest looking teen age blonde came out to move her truck.
Enter Greg. Husband. Father. Christian. Preacher. Psychologist. Nice guy. Blogger. JERK!
"Did you not see the signs?"Then she gave me that roll of the eyes and that look that only a woman (sorry, ladies ... we have our faults and many are they, but you have perfected that look) can give that said I was a moron for even questioning her judgment. And that look ticked me off. I told her, "From now on, you can park on the street or around the corner or behind the restaurant, but I don't ever want to see your truck in this parking lot." I'm pretty sure Jesus would have said the same thing ... it was one of those righteous indignation moments, sort of like throwing the money changers out of the temple. At least in my mind it was.
"Yes, I saw them but I didn't know what they were for because they were here last night when I left."
"But you drove around three signs telling you not to park here to park here!"
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm moving my truck right now."
She said, "Well God bless you today, too!" and got in her truck, very upset, and pulled out giving me that look as, through her tears, we made eye contact. But, hey! I was right, she was wrong. Easy call.
Except I felt horrible. I told Janice, "I really blow it this morning." (She thought I'd eaten some of the donuts the team had brought for breakfast. If only....) I told her what I did and she wasn't surprised. "Satan sure is working through you, isn't he?" I wish just for once my wife could be as lowdown and rotten as I can be ... just so we could communicate / fellowship on this level. Just once! No, I don't. But it felt good to write that! We went to get breakfast and I told her I needed to go make things right with that girl.
When I walked up to her in the restaurant, she had a different look. A look that said, "Oh no! I've got to deal with that jerk again?" I said, "I really need to apologize to you for this morning. I was very unkind to you and you deserved none of it. I'm very sorry for the way I treated you and just wanted to let you know that and ask your forgiveness."
Her body language was dramatic and immediate as she relaxed and said, "Oh no, I was wrong! I should never have parked there." I replied, "Right or wrong, I treated you horribly and was not a very good example of a Christian." I then gave her $5.00 and told her if she had time, to take her truck back over there and have it washed on me. She hugged me and thanked me for coming over. The best $5 I spent this past weekend.
It doesn't take a lot to be a jerk. It comes almost naturally for me. Just the right person, the right circumstance, the right attitude and, presto! Jerk!
It doesn't take a lot to say, "I'm sorry," either. For the most part, I don't mind telling someone that I'm sorry for how I've acted. I just wish I could do more on the front end so I don't have to apologize so often.
Monday, February 27, 2006
The Wrath of God
I suppose it's only fitting that I should follow up a blog / confession of cheating on a Bible test with something to do with God's wrath! If you've been a faithful reader of my blogs, you know that when I was a senior in high school and didn't cheat on Bible tests, I actually made an F the semester we took on Revelation. If I ever sit on a preacher search committee, I'm going to ask some of these questions!Anyway, while reading and thinking through a sermon series on Paul's letter to the Roman believers, I decided to take more of a thematic approach than a verse-by-verse approach. One of the first themes we run into is that of the wrath of God. I'd never given a lot of thought to that other than from an escatological perspective; that is, in the end of time God's wrath will be revealed in judgment.
The wrath of God is not a sudden rush of divine emotion brought on by our sin. Rather, his wrath is as consistent as his love. His nature against sin is wrath. A holy God must display wrath against any offense to his holiness or that being cannot be God.
However, Romans offers a bit of an interesting insight into the wrath of God. A perspective to which I'd never given much thought. (Perhaps had I done less cheating and more studying in junior high I would have known this!) Paul says we have no excuse for not knowing God, that nature reveals that God exists (1:19) and we, in our wickedness, suppress that knowledge and turn to worshipping the created rather than the Creator. All the signs pointed to God, and we worshipped the signs, never seeing God! That progression away from God leads to unspeakable sins: homosexuality, greed, hate, envy, murder, fighting, deception, malice, backstabbing, insolence, pride and boasting, hating God, heartlessness, unforgivness, disobedience to parents, and one of our all-time favorite sins, gossip! His point, though, is that there comes a time when God, in his grace, will allow us the full passion of our hearts (v.24). He will not force us to acknowledge nor worship him.
For example, Pharoah instinctively knew God existed, but suppressed the evidence of nature to worship nature instead of God who is evidenced by nature. The "plagues" of Exodus are not plagues at all. Rather, they are God's attempt to dismantle the deities of Egypt so that Pharoah would reject them and worship Him. One by one, God proves the gods of Egypt are powerless and pathetic. At one point, we read a puzzling statement: God hardened Pharaoh's heart. I've wrestled with that statement for years. Why would God harden Pharaoh's heart and then punish him for a hardened heart? Never made sense and the commentators didn't helped much.
In light of Romans, perhaps a better statement would be that God strengthened Pharaoh's heart. He had given Pharaoh 10 opportunities to reject the worship of nature and embrace the worship of the Creator, and Pharoah was determined to reject God. So God did to Pharaoh what we read in Romans. He gave the king over to do whatever shameful things his heart desired (Rom.1:24). Rather than hardening Pharaoh's heart, God simply strengthened what Pharaoh was intent on doing ... rejecting His grace and mercy and power.
I want to sit on the side and, in my self-righteousness, think "At least I'm not as bad as that rascalion Pharaoh!" Yet, if I allow the Word of God to reveal my true heart, books could be written describing my wickedness ... were it not for the blood of Jesus! Case in point: Tomorrow's blog.
I've wanted to preach through Romans for years and now I'm almost ready to start the journey with our church family. When all is said and done, if I can't say:
I am saved by grace to live by faith ...Then I have failed to understand Romans.
The more I try to please God, the less I'll walk by faith in what he is accomplishing in and through me (I plan to blog more on this whole "law" issue later) ...
I am right with God because of His righteousness and that I can stop trying to be good enough and start relaxing in what he's done ...
[Note of clarification: When I say the more I try to please God, the less I walk by faith, I am referring to an attitude / theology that is prevalent among us. Legalism. That somehow, by keeping law I can do enough to please God or do enough of the right things to earn his favor. As I understand it, the law was never given because God thought we could keep it. The law was given because we could never keep it. Paul says it was the law and our inability to keep the law that drives us to Christ and to God's grace. Romans tells me I must rely completely on the grace of God ... and in doing so I will serve God out of gratitude and love. Which pleases him greatly! I intended that statement to have some shock value because I think many of us (myself included, years ago) have to be shocked into accepting Paul's perspective. A main argument in Romans is that the Jews thought they had it made because they had the law. We have a modified version of their attitude. It's called patternism ... that God is pleased when we do everything right.]
Friday, February 24, 2006
A Bit of Chocolate
One of our "favorite" (inside joke) Pepperdine speakers introduces a point as if he were offering the class a piece of chocolate. So when I finally come to the point of this blog, consider it a piece of chocolate!Throughout my school career, the one subject I consistently hated was English. Grammar. Writing. Spelling. Literature. Essays. Term papers. Poetry. I hated it all. May have something to do with growing up in the deep south where English was so foreign to our ears!
My junior high English teacher was Mrs. Fulmer. As a junior high student, I could not stand Mrs. Fulmer simply because she was tough. Marine drill instructor tough. She didn't put up with anything from us and demanded we give it our very best.
Later, I attended David Lipscomb College (university now) and had as my English professor the daughter of Mrs. Fulmer, Dr. Constance Fulmer. Against the advice of virtually everyone who gave such advice, I signed up for Dr. Fulmer's English classes and, like her mother, she was one tough professor. So I had a hate / love relationship with Dr. Fulmer. Hated her toughness, but loved her classes because she did what I thought was impossible: She actually made English interesting! Even English literature, as in British literature. I think I signed up for her classes for every required English course. She worked us hard, but I kept coming back for more.
Last week I discovered Dr. Fulmer is a department chairperson and professor at Pepperdine. I emailed her and we've exchanged a couple of "letters" now and I hope to meet up with her during this year's lectureship.
Oh yes, the chocolate. You'll find this all but impossible to believe, but in junior high school I was caught cheating on ... you guessed it ... a Bible test! (Please go easy on me in your responses.) Though this did not directly involve Mrs. Fulmer, she found out about it and kept me after class one day. I'll never forget the look of disappointment in her face, nor the words of wisdom that impacted my life from that moment on. She said, in essence, "Greg, you're a better person that this." I found myself wanting to live up to her expectation of me. It was one of my first tangible experiences of grace.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing Dr. Fulmer in May because I want to tell her just what an impact her mother had in my life. I hope I can use correct grammar in this conversation ... get that "you / me ... you / I" thing in the right order! I hope she'll be around the Malibu Fish Company, which is where Randy and I will be co-teaching a three day class.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Ramblings
Thanks to all who prayed for Heather's grand- mother, Natalie Bither. She finally had the surgery scheduled for Thursday morning on Friday evening, about 8:30. Got out of surgery three hours later. We saw her Saturday morning around noon and she ... just over 12 hours out of major surgery ... looked better than I do on a good day! (Those of you who normally respond to my blog, especially Randy, can leave that last comment alone! Completely alone!!!) The surgery on her spinal column was very successful. For the first time in years, she has feeling in her leg and can wriggle her toes! We were with her about 30 minutes and she never stopped wiggling her toes! She's such a sweetheart.On Monday, though, she had an episode with her heart that gave the family a scare. Not a new thing, just something they would love for God to remove from her. Last I heard she was okay and the family was settling down from the jolt. Just keep the Bither's in your prayers. Thanks a $illion. [Update: On Tuesday night, Natalie was released to go home.]
(The Thomas Hardy graphic has nothing to do with Natalie's surgery ... I placed it there because I'm rambling and boring you with details!)
Josh and Heather took Jan and me to see the resort where their wedding will be held ... beautiful setting! I took pictures, but they didn't turn out very well. For one thing, the sun was shining directly into my face and, for another thing, I am not a very talented digital / camera / photography / thingy person. We also made the reservation for the after-rehearsal dinner ... which was a good thing because the restaurant manager was already booking up dates in July, including the date we need it. We had to take a larger, bit more expensive, banquet room. If I'd waited much longer, we would have been out of luck on more than one level as they serve the best bread sticks I've ever eaten anywhere at that place!!!On the way home, my car would barely go ... sputtering ... dash warning light flashing (that's always a great feeling) ... people behind me on the 15 freeway acting as if I should be going faster than 35 in a 70mph zone. C'mon, it was an incline! Go figure, huh? I turned around to go back to Josh's and take his Tahoe home, but decided if I could limp home, I'd be ahead of the game. So we turned around (again) and headed back toward Long Beach. Car sputtering, no power for about 20 miles or so then it just started running fine. 70mph, no problem ... so long as I didn't try to pass, then the same symptoms. We limped home with the dash warning light on the entire trip. Not a trip I'd want to repeat. It was COLD and dark and rainy. The last thing I wanted was to have the car towed, when those tow truck drivers will carry one passenger but not two. We finally got to within distance of friends and I knew if the worst happened, I could count on friends to take care of us. I'm glad God brought good friends into my life. I took the car in for repairs ... $1,200 worth of repairs. Final cost to me: $104. For once, having that extended warranty paid off in spades.
Speaking of friends, I got a call from one of my closest friends asking if I would fly to where he lives and help out his praise band for a weekend. After letting our elders know I'd be out of town for a weekend in March (the weekend of my 53rd birthday), I called him back and told him I'd be glad to come. I think that maybe this now makes me someone of importance? Or maybe not.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
I'm Really Trying
For those of you who are 24 / Jack Bauer fans and may have missed Monday night's episode, you obviously are prehistoric and do not own a digital video recording device. So being the generous guy I happen to be, I'm giving you a link to Dave (my favorite non-spiritual author) Barry's review of the Feb. 20 episode. You can generously thank me later! (Click on this sentence for the review.)Last Sunday I preached from John 9, the man born blind and healed by Jesus. The point I was making is that if we are to love God and love others as an extension of God's love, then we must learn to see through the eyes of Jesus. The disciples saw the man (but failed to be moved with compassion) as a theological discussion. The Pharisees saw the man as a violation of Sabbath and a threat to their authority. The parents were too scared to do much more than say, "Ask him, he's of age," after being threatened with synagogue expulsion by the Pharisees. The neighbors had ignored the man for so many years, they weren't sure who he was! But Jesus first of all actually saw the man, and saw an opportunity for the grace and power of God to shine.
With that week of study and sermon fresh on my mind, I took a funeral Tuesday morning. Graveside up in Inglewood just across the street from the Great Western Forum where Three Dog Night held a concert years ago and, I'm sure, other events of importance have taken place. The man being buried was a member of the gay community, as were the friends who came to say their farewells. I have a very low tolerance for the gay community and the behavior they insist that I embrace, or at least tolerate. They were calling each other, "Sweetie" and I found that just a bit out of my zone of comfort.
On the other hand, they are human beings and God's children just as I am God's child in a universal sense, and I know that I need to set aside prejudice, political posturing, political correctness and learn to see everyone through the eyes of Jesus ... as people through whom the grace and love and power of God just may shine. So I was very conscious of the need to be Jesus to them. To see beyond their culture and treat them as I would treat any human being.
I tried. I really tried today to do just that. I simply tried to be the person to them that God would be to them had Jesus been the funeral director. It didn't come naturally nor very easily, but they thanked me after the service for all the help our mortuary had been. Jim, the significant other to the man buried, was very appreciative of all we did. And I thought about how very appreciative I am of all that God has done in my life. I may not be living a lifestyle of rebellion againt God, but I certainly have attitudes and thoughts and actions from time to time that are just as displeasing as the most blatant sinner. And God's wrath against sin, mine included, is a consistent wrath. Just as consistent as his love.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Angels
I wrestled for two days with the decision ... do I get up at 5am and make the drive to Pepperdine School of Law (50 miles) or do I just skip the meeting and get whatever I need to know from my friend, Larry? By Thursday evening something was prodding me to set the alarm and make the drive. Normally it would take less than an hour to drive 50 miles, but this is "the city, Los Angeles, California," in the immortal words of Stg. Joe Friday. And a morning commute can take hours, not to mention the stress level that comes with such a drive.I arrived at 7:30 for an 8:00 meeting, which turned out to be more of a prayer meeting than informational. We were praying for an upcoming "Church Leader's Forum" to be held at the Law School the first weekend in March. I will speak for one and facilitate three of the who-knows-how-many sessions over the weekend.
After the meeting, I walked out on the balcony overlooking the main campus and the Pacific Ocean with Larry and just took in the spectacular view. I was reminded of a time several years ago when I was taking a course in mediation and conflict resolution at the law school and President Clinton was to arrive on campus later that afternoon for a fund-raiser in Malibu. Helicopter gunships sat motionless out on the horizon at about a quarter mile, with other gunships further out. The campus was surrounded by very high-tech, high calibre protection. I was impressed. I was also glad that I left the campus literally moments before Clinton's entourage. I could see them in my rear-view mirror less than an eighth of a mile behind me.
I told Larry as we prayed, that whole scenario came to mind, only instead of helicopter gunships sitting out on the horizon at various distances, I imagined God's angels surrounding the school, protecting this forum from the onslaught of Satan (not to suggest any metaphorical relationship between Satan and Bill Clinton. Now Hillary????). I just wish I could remember on a daily basis that his angels do surround and protect me. I guess I don't because it's just such an awe-inspiring thought ... almost too much to wrap this finite mind around.
Friday, February 17, 2006
An Overdue Visit
Thursday afternoon, my co-partner in crime (Ken) and I went out to a convalescent home to visit with a dear lady, Clarice. When I entered her room, she said, "Well, Greg England!" I was embarrassed to be visiting her since I'd not seen her in far too many months. (Ken and I regularly visit, but we see different "shut-ins" of our church.) We talked a while ... actually, I listened as she repeatedly told me how much pain she was in and how glad she was I came to see her. I would try to make conversation only to realize she wasn't hearing a word I said. I almost felt like I was preaching, what with her not listening and all! So I listened.
In the past we'd take Clarice out for lunch or dinner and she would fascinate us with stories from her childhood, including one that all but made my children drop their jaws. When she was a child, her family lived in the panhandle of Florida and her sister was "seeing" a boy from the next county. One evening a group of men rode up on horseback, wearing white hoods and robes and carrying torches. They warned her father about his daughter thinking she's too good to date the local boys! That was one of many stories from her life. My children had heard about the klan, but had never met anyone threatened by them! It was a bit of history (though be it dark history). She loved pizza and deli's and we enjoyed those meals together for a couple of years.
About three years ago, she sold her house and moved into a skilled care facility because of her inability to walk. Her journey has been pretty much downhill from that time until now. She is in constant pain. Doesn't hear very well. Speech is a bit slurred. Spends her days and nights trying to achieve the impossible -- getting comfortable. But she doesn't complain, just informs. She has a sweet spirit with an attitude to match.
At one point in the conversation, this lady who has sold or given away everything she'd ever owned, and is in very poor health overall said to me, "I'm thankful for all that I have." What a statement! Except for her poor health and some insurance coverage to pay her expenses, she has nothing of an earthly nature. Never had children. Has been a widow for many, many years. But she has a heart of gratitude for what she does have ... friends, church family, and most of all, Jesus and HOPE. I went there with Ken to try and encourage Clarice. I came away being encouraged by her. Come to think of it, she has all she really needs, and all that she can take from this life is love and relationship.
Keep Heather's grandmother, Natalie Bither, in your prayers. She is scheduled to have some pretty major surgery done today (Friday). She's a sweet grandmother.
On another subject altogether, you'll love this best blonde joke ever ... Hope you have a great weekend and that we're all around on Monday to "visit" again.
In the past we'd take Clarice out for lunch or dinner and she would fascinate us with stories from her childhood, including one that all but made my children drop their jaws. When she was a child, her family lived in the panhandle of Florida and her sister was "seeing" a boy from the next county. One evening a group of men rode up on horseback, wearing white hoods and robes and carrying torches. They warned her father about his daughter thinking she's too good to date the local boys! That was one of many stories from her life. My children had heard about the klan, but had never met anyone threatened by them! It was a bit of history (though be it dark history). She loved pizza and deli's and we enjoyed those meals together for a couple of years.
About three years ago, she sold her house and moved into a skilled care facility because of her inability to walk. Her journey has been pretty much downhill from that time until now. She is in constant pain. Doesn't hear very well. Speech is a bit slurred. Spends her days and nights trying to achieve the impossible -- getting comfortable. But she doesn't complain, just informs. She has a sweet spirit with an attitude to match.
At one point in the conversation, this lady who has sold or given away everything she'd ever owned, and is in very poor health overall said to me, "I'm thankful for all that I have." What a statement! Except for her poor health and some insurance coverage to pay her expenses, she has nothing of an earthly nature. Never had children. Has been a widow for many, many years. But she has a heart of gratitude for what she does have ... friends, church family, and most of all, Jesus and HOPE. I went there with Ken to try and encourage Clarice. I came away being encouraged by her. Come to think of it, she has all she really needs, and all that she can take from this life is love and relationship.
Keep Heather's grandmother, Natalie Bither, in your prayers. She is scheduled to have some pretty major surgery done today (Friday). She's a sweet grandmother.
On another subject altogether, you'll love this best blonde joke ever ... Hope you have a great weekend and that we're all around on Monday to "visit" again.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Critics
I was listening to the morning news Tuesday regarding the latest on the riots occuring here in the Los Angeles County jail system. Two inmates are dead, numerous injured, the Mexican Mafia has been identified as the instigators of the riots, and the authorities are handling the situation according to SOP (Standard Operating Procedure), because when you are are in a governmnet position, everything must be handled according to SOP.And since it is being handled according to SOP, which is approved (if not written) by politicians, one would not logically expect the situation to get any better! Prisoners are, however, being moved around in an attempt to contain the situation. We know the source of the problem, but no one has the guts to take on the Mexican Mafia. God forbid that anyone in that group have their "rights" violated! Who wants to mess with the ACLU just because a few prisoners are roughed up and a couple are dead? Just not worth the hassle.
What caught my attention is that now, after days and days of rioting, the social critics (unlike myself, who is merely an on-line blog critic, whose job is to point out other, real-life critics!) have decided to take things into their own hands. If anyone can pinpoint the heart of a problem and go straight to the solution, that person would be the critic. So, the solution to the mess here in Los Angeles? Simple ... stand around outside government buildings and protest!!
Have you ever noticed that protestors and critics never do much of anything else? They show up, let their voice be heard, if they are lucky they are captured by some news camera and shown for a split second on the evening news, then they go home leaving the situation the same. Their protests never resolve anything.
Happens in churches as well. I've been in the "biness" almost three decades. I've endured my share (and then some) of the critics. But I've yet to see the church critics actually involved in any of the ongoing ministry of the church! They come. They scowl. They leave (often early). And they complain. But they are never involved in anything of a positive, life-changing nature within the context of church ministry. I am grateful to say that some elderships have decided to no longer give the critic much attention. For the longest, the critics pretty much had the power because elders saw their role as maintaining peace while keeping the status quo. Which, by the way, never satisfies the critic! They just disrespect authority even more ... and continue to criticize.
Someone has said that no one ever erected a statue of a critic. Though I did make a passing grade in art appreciation, I'm not an art expert, but a quick search of Google revealed this statue in the Louvre that is known as the "statue of a critic." (Brady, I'll trust you to weigh in on this.) I guess someone finally did erect a statue of a critic. Interesting ... notice what she's holding in her right hand! That is the perfect portrayal of a critic for you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Viewer's Guide to The 2006 Olympic Winter Games
[Notes:
1. FYI: I did give my lovely bride of 31 years flowers (though she fussed at the cost); I had her lunch prepared when she came home; and I did take her out to dinner and then to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to get a favorite of hers ... candy-coated apple. I'm not the valentine ogre you mistake me to be!
2. A favorite author (non-spiritual) of mine is Dave Barry, a humorist out of Miami, Florida. As a favor to the public at large, Dave recently published his guide to the Winter Olympic Games ... which I humbly share with you(with no further comment) and, hopefully, not too late.]
It's time once again for the Winter Olympics -- three magical weeks during which all of America will gather in front of the television set to watch American Idol.
The Winter Games ... [is] a truly international gathering of athletes from all over the world, except for those parts of the world located in Africa, South America, Central America, Australia and large sectors of Asia.
The games officially began Friday night with an unforgettable opening ceremony, climaxing with the lighting of the Olympic torch by Italy's greatest and most beloved ski champion, Wayne Gretzky. (Note to editor: Please check this; I nodded off during the second unforgettable hour.)
I have prepared the following guide of Winter Olympic Events to watch:
1. FYI: I did give my lovely bride of 31 years flowers (though she fussed at the cost); I had her lunch prepared when she came home; and I did take her out to dinner and then to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to get a favorite of hers ... candy-coated apple. I'm not the valentine ogre you mistake me to be!
2. A favorite author (non-spiritual) of mine is Dave Barry, a humorist out of Miami, Florida. As a favor to the public at large, Dave recently published his guide to the Winter Olympic Games ... which I humbly share with you(with no further comment) and, hopefully, not too late.]
It's time once again for the Winter Olympics -- three magical weeks during which all of America will gather in front of the television set to watch American Idol. The Winter Games ... [is] a truly international gathering of athletes from all over the world, except for those parts of the world located in Africa, South America, Central America, Australia and large sectors of Asia.
The games officially began Friday night with an unforgettable opening ceremony, climaxing with the lighting of the Olympic torch by Italy's greatest and most beloved ski champion, Wayne Gretzky. (Note to editor: Please check this; I nodded off during the second unforgettable hour.)
I have prepared the following guide of Winter Olympic Events to watch:
FIGURE SKATING: In this dramatic and demanding sport, competitors must perform difficult skating maneuvers while dressed as swans and wearing enough makeup to spackle a four-bedroom house. And those are the men. Judges enter their scores into a computer, which calculates the results using an objective scientific formula, after which the Russians always win because they CHEAT.Of course these are just a fraction of the Winter Olympics highlights. There will be plenty of other action in events such as the 500 meters, the 750 meters, the 1,000 meters, the 1,250 meters, the 1,300 meters, the 1,325 meters, and the 1,325.874 meters, to name just a few of the more exciting lengths. NBC is planning 17,000 hours of coverage, and you will not want to miss a single minute. So strap yourself into your Barcalounger and enjoy the show!
BIATHLON: This fun sport was invented by the Norwegians, often called "The Yuckmeisters of Western Scandinavia." Rifle-toting competitors ski for a while, then shoot at targets, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more and so on until France surrenders.
THE LUGE: Competitors wearing Spider-Man costumes lie on their backs on tiny sleds and go down the bobsled run. The ones who survive (about 8 percent) are tested for drugs. If they don't contain any, they are declared legally insane.
THE SKELETON: This is the same as luge, except competitors go headfirst. The medal winners stand on a special "booster" podium because when they cross the finish line and hit the stopping barrier, their bodies are compressed to the height of a Pringles can.
CROSS-COUNTRY CURLING: In this greuling sport, competitors, using brooms to clear the way, race to see who can be the first to slide a heavy stone across Italy.
SKI-JUMPING WITH CELEBRITIES: This is a new sport, introduced this year to boost TV ratings. Competitors are sent down the ski-jump ramp, often leaving deep grooves for the entire length with their fingernails, then soar into space, where they encounter gravity. The heavily favored U.S. team consists of Erik Estrada, William Shatner, Nicole Richie, Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek and the naked guy from Survivor.
BROKEBACK BOBSLED: This is another new sport, about which little is known, other than that, according to International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge, it "involves sheep."
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Valentine's Day
Okay, for all you romance-challenged clowns out there who might not know the following information, I humbly submit it for the well-being of your love life. (Quite honestly, I didn't know this either!) What color roses do you give the love of your life? Here are the meanings behind the various colors:
Red - Passionate love A single rose - "I love you"I'm 37 years too late with the lavender roses, but I'm thinking of a single red / white / coral / orange / dark pink rose if I can find it. Otherwise I may just have to buy my love something that says, "I love you!" as nothing else can say it. Something she doesn't already have. I'm thinking .... guitar???
White - Innocent, pure love
Yellow - Friendship
Coral / Orange - Enthusiasm, desire
Pink - Young love Dark pink - Gratitude
Pastel colors - Friendship
Red and White - Unity
Red and Yellow - Happiness
Lavender - Love at first sight
Monday, February 13, 2006
Looking Good!
I took a spiritual mini-retreat on Saturday ... just a short one to get away for a few minutes. As I was walking through the parking lot toward Wal Mart, I overheard a young lady on her cell phone. Wasn't hard to do, she was all but yelling into the phone, which is what Josh says I do. I think if I actually did that I would know it.This girl was telling her friend she couldn't do something next week because her family was giving her mother a birthday party. Here's the part of the conversation I overheard: "Yeah, she's going to be 55 on Thursday ... but she looks really good for her age and still gets around very well...."
Wait a mintue!!!??? She looks good for her age? She gets around well for her age? At fifty-five? C'mon, I'll be 53 next month and I don't think I'm ready for people to be talking about me as "looking good" for my age, or "getting around well" for such an advanced age. I'll beat Randy to this next statement: Maybe they are already talking that way about me, but I'm still not ready for it. I wanted so badly to interrupt her phone conversation and ask her to be gentle with people our age. After all, one can be very fragile at such an old age.
On another front, our Sunday attendance was low. Lots of people out of town. Large youth group / parents gone to the mountains for a retreat. Result: Very little energy in our worship today. It's always good to be with my spiritual family, but I can't remember when I've tried to preach with such a low energy level as I experience this morning. Maybe it was a culmination of this past week's events? Be that as it may, more than the usual people came up to me to say something about the sermon (mostly positive!), so God still provides for emotional support when my energy is at its lowest. I think I needed to hear somebody say it was a good morning.
We did have Heather's family over on Saturday for dinner. (We didn't have them for dinner, as that would neither be very Christ-like nor very tasty! We had dinner with them. Did I need to explain that?) Anyway, it was so good to have all three of our children with us for the evening and to have Heather's mom, dad, sister, grandmama and grandaddy with us. Wonderful people. Wish we were closer so we could spend more time with them.
Got all the tax stuff gathered to deliver to our accountant! That's always a relief!!!!
Have a good week. See ya' back here tomorrow....
Friday, February 10, 2006
Super Bored XL
[Before my week was placed on hold by the events of Monday night, I intended to post this blog. By now it's pretty much irrelevant, but since I went to the trouble of writing it last Sunday evening, I'll trouble you to read it!]As you know, I'm not much of a sports fan. Don't have a problem with those who are, it's just something that I basically see as a waste of my time. So the Super Bowl is just another big event in the sports world that interests me very little. Except that I have to set up the video equipment so others who like that stuff can watch the game on the BIG screen over at the church.
We started SuperBowl Sunday about 8 years ago and it drew a lot of people. We had tons of food. Table games. Contests. Basektball (for the teens and adults who haven't discovered they are no longer teens). Half time games with prizes. It was fun because the game could be secondary to the other fun. Over the years the crowds have become smaller and smaller. There are no more half time events other than getting more food. Very few table games were being played this year. All in all, the church event was about as boring as the game itself, except that I was with people I love and enjoy hanging with. Not to blame anyone, I think it's just one of those events that was fun in the past and we probably should just let it die.
The commercials once were the only reason I'd watch a game, but not only have they become rather sleezy, the ones that aren't sleezy are just lame, for the most part. Certainly not worth $80,000+ / second!
But this year, the worst of the event was the half time show with the Rolling Stones. I know they have lots of fans out there and still bring in millions each year from concerts, but they were pathetic. The sound was horrible. Those guys are almost freaky to look at. Except for the people immediately surrounding the stage, the crowd in the stands seemed to hardly even notice what was happening mid-field. TiVo said they monitored the most-replayed parts of the game, and the half time show was the least replayed part of the event.Why not bring in something at least contemporary? The Stones? They're 60+ years old and what's more pathetic than seeing Jagger prancing about in his teenage girly outfit? I don't know of any self respecting teenage boy that would wear the tight clothes with revealing midriff that Jagger wore, and we live in a very permissive culture here in Southern California. They might be a great act for some geriatric gala event, but not the SuperBowl. And aren't you glad there was no wardrobe malfunction w/ Mick?
Who's up for next year, the Dave Clark 5? Maybe Paul and Ringo will give us a Beatle's reunion, less two. Is Lawrence Welk's orchestra still doing gigs? Alvin and the Chipmonks???
I've vented enough. See you later ....
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Prayer for Fred
If you read this before Wednesday night (Feb.8), 11pm Pacific (you'll have to do the math to determine the time where you live), and you just happen to be awake, would you please say a prayer for a dear friend, Fred Stolle? Fred has a very aggressive type of prostate cancer and went to Germany (his birth country) last year for a surgery that is not approved in the United States. They told him then there was a chance he'd have to have the procedure re-done. However, on those who have had the second surgery, the survival rate is 97%. So Fred and his wife, Diane, (members here at Long Beach Church) are in Germany and it will be Thursday morning when you offer your prayer.
Fred has a fascinating testimony he calls, "From the Swastika to the Cross"and I want him to share that testimony along with his healing in the near future! He was one of thousands of young boys caught up in Hitler's Brown Shirts during the war years but eventually came to America ... came to the Lord ... came to be a very wealthy and generous man ... and came to be my friend (perhaps the least of those accomplishments). But it will take the power and grace of God to pull him through this and he knows this. Fred and Diane covet your prayers, so thanks for joining with your brothers and sisters around the world in this offering to God. Thanks for caring. I'll let you know the results of the surgery and the prognosis as soon as I know something.
CSI: LONG BEACH
I'll not bore you with the aftermath of our crime scene beyond this blog, but it's been an evening and a day of roller-coaster emotions. Through the course of the evening, we began to notice things missing that brought some degree of sadness. About the only "things" that I had belonging to my father are now gone, which is sort of interesting in that several years ago my son borrowed a diamond tie pin and it never got back in my drawer. He gave it to Janice who said she put it back, but it disappeared. I'd been somewhat upset beneath the surface over them losing that tie pin (which was my dad's). Now that everything I owned of Dad's is gone, that pin seems a non-issue now. All that time holding that regret ... what a waste of time.It became more personal to Janice when she was getting ready to finally go to bed and noticed the thief had taken two of our pillowcases to haul off the items, including one of two cases that match our sheets! Don't mess with Janice's matching sheet sets! She actually called the theif a "stinker" which in her vocabulary is as close to something profane as she gets! Were I to use an equivalent word from my vocabulary, my mother would come back from the grave to wash my mouth out with soap!
I found it very difficult to go to sleep last night, thinking I needed to stay awake to protect us. I guess that's the man's role in a relationship (among other roles) ... protector. To be strong. I was surprised to awaken this morning and realize I'd actually fallen asleep sometime in the early hours of the morning.
During the day (Tuesday), aside from completing the police report and the insurance claim, I found myself just staying in the house. I guess it's that protecting mode working overtime. I finished my sermon and basically just stayed here. Just felt odd to even want to go anywhere else, though after supper we did take a two-mile walk. Even then, I kept thinking, "If we get back home and find it's been broken into again....." I guess that just takes time, too.
Wednesday I plan to do some proactive moves to better secure the place. I probably should start with getting rid of our worthless dog, but I love her too much. I just need to realize she is not bred to be a watch-dog. For that matter, I'm not really sure what she's bred to be other than a pest! The Crime Scene Officer and I had an interesting talk about home security and his thoughts on the various CSI TV shows. He watches them and finds them "entertaining." Interesting perspective. But I noticed in broad daylight, he sure used his little flashlight a lot, so that part of the show that I always found a bit pretentious seems to be somewhat factual.
The insurance adjuster has no idea just how much his check is going to help us pay for our part of Josh and Heather's wedding!! But I'd rather have Dad's ring and sweat out the wedding bills, for Josh was to inherit Dad's ring from me in time and he wanted very much to have that memory to keep and pass on to his child some day. That will never happen. I feel sad for Josh.
Aside from that, the entire incident did a lot to wrap my mind around something Jesus has tried to teach us for centuries: Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth.... That passage has never been so relevant. Last night, while awaiting the investigating officer, I opened my Bible to Matthew to find a particular verse in chapter 25, but it opened to chapter 6 and that verse (19) was staring me right in the face. Hmmm. . . . .
Monday, February 06, 2006
Violated!
Two things became official this evening (Monday) as Janice and I were having dinner at Chipotle's:1. We are now a part of the crime statistics in Long Beach, California.When we pulled into the driveway, I mentioned to Janice that the front door was open. I was the last one to leave the house and I know I locked the door after me. Not only was the front door open, there was no electricity anywhere in the house. Completely dark.
2. Our hundred-pound dog, Chipper, is absolutely worthless as a watch dog.
I got a flashlight and and a .357 handgun and started a search. Our bedroom had been ransacked. The burglar (hereafter referred to as "the perp") came through a window in the back bedroom, knocking over my banjo as he / she entered. After a careful search, without touching anything, all that was missing was my laptop, the power charger to it, and a few cups of loose change I kept in my top drawer. The other contents of the top draw were spilled all over the bed and floor.
I am very thankful for many things. One, that no one was injured in the crime. Had we been home, someone would be lying dead or dying in our house. I would hope it would be the perp, but it could easily have been Janice or myself, or both of us. I am thankful nothing of any real value and / or irreplacable was taken ... mainly some of the things from Mom's house. Things of sentimental value. And, of course, I'm glad none of the more expensive items (instruments, Jan's laptop, etc) were taken.
That said, I feel very violated and a bit angry. Don't know how this will affect my sleep tonight, but I'm sure it will be restless, if I get any at all.
Oh, yes ... apparently home burglaries in Long Beach are very low on the crime list as far as response time and priority is concerned. We were told not to touch anything (meaning we can't go to bed or even close and lock the front door) until the officer(s) arrive. So far it's been over an hour and we're a bit frustrated and getting tired.
P.S. As it approaches 10pm, the officer did come by. Very nice young man ... delayed because of a shooting north of us. Gang related ... drug deal gone bad. So now we turn in the report and hope the insurance will give me enough $$ to replace my laptop. We'll see. At least a car didn't drive through my kitchen!!!
P.P.S. As time went on, we discovered several other things missing including jewelry. I had a few pieces of jewely that had belonged to my dad. They are now the possessions of someone who never knew him and wouldn't know or care that he'd taken a part of my life with him. Our high school class rings are gone as well. Oh well .... what can we do? They are only things. I wrote that for my benefit more than your benefit. By the way, anyone out there want a not-so-good watch dog? She's a sweetheart ... just basically worthless!
God's Rag Dolls
When Josh was a baby, his favorite stuffed toy was an educational Snoopy dog that had a zipper, snap, button, shoe laces, and buckle for the child to learn how to work those items of clothing. It was a good refresher course for me as well! In very short time, Snoopy was not just one of many stuffed animals. Snoopy was a part of our family. If you loved Josh, you loved Snoopy. The two were inseparable.
When Josh took a nap or went to bed, Snoopy was with him. Snoopy ate with us, went on vacations with us, was a regular church-goer. Snoopy joined us for meals and we actually carried on conversations with Snoopy. Okay, maybe we weren't the brightest family, but we loved Snoopy because Josh loved Snoopy.
As you can imagine, over the years Snoopy became rather ragged looking. The body fuzz was rubbed off. The nose was pretty much gone. An eye was missing. The laces and buckles on the shoes were long gone. The colors were fading. At one point, Janice took Snoopy apart and did her best to rebuild him ... sort of unlicensed reconstructive surgery. In time, Snoopy had to "live" in a plastic bag just to protect him from further deterioration. In time, Josh outgrew Snoopy, replacing him with sports and drums and adulthood. Well, for the most part ....
While packing Josh up to move him to Temecula, we came across Snoopy and Josh wanted very much to take his beloved dog with him. (I'd rather he took Chipper, but that's another story.) I used Snoopy in my sermon yesterday morning as an object lesson. What made Snoopy so important to our family ... what made us literally fall in love with a stuffed dog is the love Josh had for Snoopy. Theologians call this "imputed love." It is a love that loves for no logical / rational reason, but a love that in and of itself causes the one that is loved to be of inestimable valuable. It is the love God has for us and was demonstrated when we were most unlovable ... while we were yet sinners.
I told my church family there are two truths about human beings: We are all rag dolls, very much like Snoopy. But we are God's rag dolls! And His love for us not only makes us special, it makes us valuable beyond calculation!
And when we come together in community, each of us bearing so many characteristics that are quite unlovable, we need to learn to see one another through the eyes of God. We need to see others as Josh saw Snoopy! Love beyond reason!
When Josh took a nap or went to bed, Snoopy was with him. Snoopy ate with us, went on vacations with us, was a regular church-goer. Snoopy joined us for meals and we actually carried on conversations with Snoopy. Okay, maybe we weren't the brightest family, but we loved Snoopy because Josh loved Snoopy.As you can imagine, over the years Snoopy became rather ragged looking. The body fuzz was rubbed off. The nose was pretty much gone. An eye was missing. The laces and buckles on the shoes were long gone. The colors were fading. At one point, Janice took Snoopy apart and did her best to rebuild him ... sort of unlicensed reconstructive surgery. In time, Snoopy had to "live" in a plastic bag just to protect him from further deterioration. In time, Josh outgrew Snoopy, replacing him with sports and drums and adulthood. Well, for the most part ....
While packing Josh up to move him to Temecula, we came across Snoopy and Josh wanted very much to take his beloved dog with him. (I'd rather he took Chipper, but that's another story.) I used Snoopy in my sermon yesterday morning as an object lesson. What made Snoopy so important to our family ... what made us literally fall in love with a stuffed dog is the love Josh had for Snoopy. Theologians call this "imputed love." It is a love that loves for no logical / rational reason, but a love that in and of itself causes the one that is loved to be of inestimable valuable. It is the love God has for us and was demonstrated when we were most unlovable ... while we were yet sinners.
I told my church family there are two truths about human beings: We are all rag dolls, very much like Snoopy. But we are God's rag dolls! And His love for us not only makes us special, it makes us valuable beyond calculation!And when we come together in community, each of us bearing so many characteristics that are quite unlovable, we need to learn to see one another through the eyes of God. We need to see others as Josh saw Snoopy! Love beyond reason!
Friday, February 03, 2006
A Loose Leash
After a good dinner, Jan and I took a walk south on Linden for about a half mile then stopped by Sav-On drugs on the way home to see if some throws (basically really big, very soft towels for women who seem to be cold all the time to throw over them while watching television) were on sale. Deciding to walk further on the north side of the house, we picked up Chipper to let her enjoy a few minutes on the other side of the fence. As always, she was ecstatic!
You need to understand that when I take her out, I tend to give her a loose leash, allowing her to make frequent stops, checking her "pee-mail" along the way. After a few blocks, Janice asked if I wanted her to take the leash. I quickly agreed. Being the school teacher she is, she took a tighter leash and actually made my dog mind, which is something out of character for her (the dog)! Chipper walked with Janice about 25 or 30 feet and suddenly came across Janice and started jumping all over me. She wanted nothing else to do with that tight leash stuff. She wanted "the Rev" back in control so she could do more as she pleased.
We had a good laugh over that as I took back the leash and she settled down into a loose leash again. I'm sure there's some deeper life-lesson to be learned in our walk w/ Chipper, but I'm just too tired to think it through. Enjoy your weekend!
You need to understand that when I take her out, I tend to give her a loose leash, allowing her to make frequent stops, checking her "pee-mail" along the way. After a few blocks, Janice asked if I wanted her to take the leash. I quickly agreed. Being the school teacher she is, she took a tighter leash and actually made my dog mind, which is something out of character for her (the dog)! Chipper walked with Janice about 25 or 30 feet and suddenly came across Janice and started jumping all over me. She wanted nothing else to do with that tight leash stuff. She wanted "the Rev" back in control so she could do more as she pleased.
We had a good laugh over that as I took back the leash and she settled down into a loose leash again. I'm sure there's some deeper life-lesson to be learned in our walk w/ Chipper, but I'm just too tired to think it through. Enjoy your weekend!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
We're Safe!
I was determined not to get involved in (addicted to?) this season's episodes of 24, which, I realize, is about as un-American as one can be. I failed to convince my wife that she could better spend her time than watching this particular series. So she watches and since there's no one else around and I don't really want to be off by myself, I end up doing something in the den while she watches 24. I glance up occasionally, but mostly just listen to some of the dialogue while playing computer solitare or sniffing around Google.This season involves canisters. Evil people (terrorists) and canisters are never a good thing for Americans! We need to keep that in mind. Add a dim-witted pansy of a president with a staff member on the bad guy payroll and we're really in trouble! However, CTU (is that what they're called?) is right on top of everything, unlike our real spy machine.
So far this season as I've sat doing other things, I've figured this much out:
A bunch of people got killed the first 10 minutes of the season, but Jack survived.So ... as long as Jack is around, I feel absolutely confident we'll be okay as a nation. If something, God forbid, should happen to Jack, then we may have to rely on divine grace and mercy once again to pull us through.
The president's wife conceals important information in her cleavage, which eventually gets her sent to the looney place for a vacation.
The canisters were to be shipped out of Long Beach in containers disguised as medical supplies. Any reference to Long Beach gets my attention. (And the fact that canisters containing chemicals that could destroy the universe may be disguised as medical supplies is one more reason why I stay away from doctors!)
Just when you think it couldn't get any worse ... it always gets worse.
Not to worry, though, for Jack Bauer can handle this while multi-tasking!
In the meantime, if network television really wants a winner, they should team up Bauer with Inspector Clouseau! Now that I would watch.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
An Old Guitar
For years, the guitar pictured was in Josh's closet. I'd wanted to throw it away but he wanted to keep it for no other reason than it was his daddy's guitar. My first guitar. I was in 8th grade. Montgomery, Alabama. The guitar is a Harmony ... one of the worst guitars I've ever played and one of the worst sounding guitars ever made. (In retrospect, the sound may have had something to do with the fact we could only afford to change strings about every two years.) But, it was all my parents could afford at the time. I think it was $60 with a case.That said, I loved that guitar! It was hard to play and I've wrapped tape around my bleeding fingertips many times so I could keep playing it. I'd never played a really nice guitar (my best friend, David, had one just like mine so we had nothing to which we could compare) and had no idea what "action" meant on a stringed instrument. So we played our guitars for hours, even to the point of having a trunk key made to our family cars so we could sneak the guitars to church then conveniently leave worship during the preaching and play our guitars in the parking lot, always returning during the invitation song. That worked great for weeks until the preacher (who happened to be David's father) had an unusually short sermon and we got caught when one of us was called for closing prayer and we were no where to be found. Funny thing about that story, no amount of explaining could ever convince our parents to let us keep our copies of the trunk key! For a long time, Dad made sure the guitar was in the house when we went to church. I guess in the long run it made me a better person.
When I had a chance to play in a band, I drilled holes in the thing and added a modified electric pick-up so I could have an electric sounding guitar. Dad got me a used Gibson all-tube amp that had a great sound in spite of my pathetic sounding guitar. I later put the amp in a pawn shop for money to take Janice on a date and never got it out of hock. I'd give a few hundred dollars to have that amp today! Love can be so blind, but if I had to choose between Janice or the amp, I'd certainly ..... choose Janice! What did you think I'd say????
A few years ago I put new strings on the old Harmony and attempted to tune it, but the tension required was pulling the bridge off the body, so I loosened the strings and put the guitar back in the closet ... until Josh moved out recently. Knowing I couldn't just throw it away, I cleaned the dust off of it (as those who know me would expect me to do) and decided to hang it on the wall of the bedroom formerly known as Josh's where I now have the keyboard, music stand, Vox amp, and a couple of my guitars. It hangs along side a violin my dad bought once and kept in a closet and an old banjolene I found in a dumpster in Florida. It's a great reminder of how far I've come since 8th grade ... not only in my ability to play, but in the quality of instruments I now use. Though I can no more afford what I have than my parents could afford the Harmony, I've come to see the value in a good instrument. I think they may have spent more for me that Christmas, but they had no idea I'd actually learn to play the thing and they were buying my older brother a set of drums (cheap set like the guitar). Parents can be so pragmatic.
The old Harmony hanging on the wall also reminds me that maybe I can still be of use to someone when I get too old to play.
